Listening to: nothing
To give up
My dreams. Because I find the more I try to do better I worsen and the more I do worse...well i dont get better and after everything that has happened over last and this year, I will no longer strive to find or do what makes me happy. I'm going to do what my father told me, that money and the means of making it is the only way to be successful. I didn't believe that at first, I was blind and stupid to think that kindness and following your dreams and heart would bring you happiness and joy to your life. I'm not going to draw anymore, I'm not going to make stories, and I'm not going to do music, I'm not going to party as much anymore, and I'm not going to take anymore pictures of life. I'm going to find a job, finish my school, work hard and like my father put work first among all things, be it family, friends, and loved ones, cause they just watch you, they don't do anything else sadly, because they have their own problems I suppose and thats fine. I don't know why I feel this way maybe its cause for the last 4 months I have been having dreams about a person I have been trying to forget, although she did put me in a depressive state of mind for the whole summer I still carried on the best I could. I guess it was cause she let me go through email, and till this day, since she has not confronted me when she should of, and if she had not been such a coward in letting me go through email I wouldnt be having this problem I thought, but last night I fixed my problem through my dream. I pushed her off a cliff and I woke up feeling.....well a sense of relief it took a while but I let her go and although its almost been a year, I feel better, and I'm going to go get my life together and become a worker, and although it is not what I want. It is the only way I have to survive in this world.